Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
