You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
3pm strippers are depressing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
