Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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