Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
