Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
