well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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