I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
