the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
