My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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