if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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