Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
there is glitter all over my balls
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
