i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I CAN MOONWALK!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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