I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
