covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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