They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sext me about skeletons
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
