Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
