Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
