Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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