Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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