brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
