Can i not drive my cunt home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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