did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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