is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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