my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
