Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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