sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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