Your mouth is God's brothel.
I could make wine with my vomit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
