Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
