also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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