I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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