end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
