Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
