Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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