Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
