i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
