...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
