Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
