I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
