: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
