Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
