Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
