Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
