so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
