I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
