shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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