A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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