one two three fourrrrnication!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
