dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
