Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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