i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
