Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
