The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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