Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Randomize
