I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
