Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
