i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
